Tuesday, September 2, 2008

100 Things I Wanna Do Before Hip-Hop Dies

The day will come. The day when hip-hop heads will finally bow our heads in shame. The day when we just give up. The day when hip hop dies.
It might be five years from now or maybe five decades, but hip-hop is an organism, and its death is imminent. And though seniors will still be giggin' in retirement homes during hip-hop nights and hipsters will listen to ringtone rap ironically, our girl will become just another relic from an archaic generation. But before I say goodbye to h.e.r., there are a few things I want to do while she's still breathing.

1. Make sucker emcees call me sire.
2. Have an extensive conversation with KRS-One, discussing everything from the economic statuses of developing nations to the current state of sampling to the hottest chicks on our favorite sitcoms to favorite MC Shan jokes.
3. Be taught how to roll a blunt by Redman.
4. Find the father to ODB's style.
5. Give Nine a lozenge.
6. Yell at Nas for changing his style since Barbecue (well, everything after 96).
7. Make Eric B. talk.
8. Find out what Will Smith was thinking about when he conceived the concept of getting jiggy.
9. Get jiggy with all of Will's girls on Fresh Prince (especially Nia, when i see ya, imma long...).
10. Catch bugs with Digable Planets.
11. Monkey flip to funky rhythms.
12. Do hoot-rat shit with Bushwick Bill.
13. Teach Recording Academy voters how to listen to hop-hip.
14. Make another Illmatic.
15. Blast Black Moon's "U da Man" and K.M.D's "Suspended _Nim_Tion" in an amphitheater.
16. Show Kanye how his career could have flourished into legendary status if he had just avoided a few moves after College Dropout.
17. Go kicks shopping with Bobbito Garcia.
18. Go wally shopping with Ghostface.
19. Throw my hands in the air and wave them like I just DO care.
20. Hire Inspectah Deck to take some people to court.
21. Find out why he's also the Rebel INS.
22. Meet Shock G and Humpty Hump...at the same time
23. Thank Kool Herc.
24. Bow to Bambaataa.
25. Go beat diggin' with Preemo, Pete Rock & Q-Tip.
26. Go to a strip club with Luke and Too $hort.
27. Find Raekwon's Killer tape.
28. Rob a liquor store with Sean Price.
29. Walk around town with the pound strapped down.
30. Put Jay-Z and Lil' Wayne in their place.
31. Show DJ Evil Dee the respect he deserves.
32. Get Kool Moe Dee shades.
33. Write rhymes for Biz Markie.
34. Cure G Rap's lisp.
35. Go to a P.T.A. meeting with Busta.
36. Get gold ropes and fur coats with Slick Rick and Big Daddy Kane.
37. Be on an egotrip reality show.
38. Pack the pipe with Pharcyde.
39. Play scrabble with Rakim.
40. Go dictionary diving with Souls.
41. Fill the potholes in Pos and Trugoy's lawn.
42. Beat Cipha and Rosenberg at Underground Soundclash.
43. Chessbox with GZA.
44. Start riots with Chuck D and Paris.
45. Buy Seventh Seal and OB4CL2 in a store (soon I hope).
46. Learn Sonny Cheeba and Geechi Suede lingo.
47. Get swagger.
48. Reissue Bl_ck B_st_rds and The LP.
49. Make an album with Jay Smooth.
50. Show these crab rappers how to rhyme.
51. Get Rae a show on Food Network called "Get Ya Mouth Waterin'".
52. See the pyramids with Hieroglyphics.
53. Watch cops with Ice T.
54. Tell Diddy and Dre that they killed hip-hop.
55. Go to Haiti with Lauren.
56. Hunt UFO's with OutKast.
57. Chill on Sugar Hill with AZ.
58. Drink MGD with MJG.
59. Watch Scarface with Scarface.
60. Tell LL Cool J that he's an underachieving emcee that survives on unnecessarily escalated beefs, then get in an unnecessarily escalating beef that revives his career.
61. Ask Phife if I can kick it.
62. Add Whodini on Facebook (so we can be friends...).
63. Open a Baduism clinic.
64. Costume shop with MF Doom.
65. Have a barbecue with Nas, Joe Fatal, Akinyele and Large Pro.
66. Make skits with Prince Paul.
67. Have a 40, Blunts and The Killer party.
68. Kick back some St. Ides with Ice Cube.
69. Tell Soulja Boy to eat a dick.
70. Cold get dumb with Just-Ice.
71. Participate in a Madlib invasion.
72. Make a hip-hop album with Flea, John Frusciante and ?uestlove.
73. Mack on chicks with Kool Keith.
74. Tell VH1 to stop grouping punks with legends on Hip-Hop Honors.
75. Bring back the Nelly from Country Grammar.
76. Put "sav", "rake" and "killed" in the hip-hop dictionary.
77. Lose my wallet in El Segundo.
78. Go to a country club with Arrested Development.
79. Take a trip with Izzy & Majesty.
80. Say a lyric with "nigga" in it and not get looked at funny.
81. Murder Ignorance with Jeru.
82. Free Steady B and Chi Ali.
83. Eat burgers with the Fat Boys.
84. Connect politick...ditto.
85. Get Audio Two top billing at a concert.
86. Kill that noise.
87. Be taught how to use Fruity Loops by 9th Wonder.
88. Visit the Dead MC'ing Museum.
89. Hang out in Naperville with Common, No I.D., Kanye, Lupe, Rhymefest & The Cool Kids.
90. Throw bricks with Quasimoto.
91. Chill from '93 til with Graves.
92. Tour with my heroes from Bangalore to Lafayette.
93. Be a hyphy dude in Nike shoes with Ohle.
94. Customize wallies with wally.
95. Roll in MPVs with Ben Ou.
96. Hear my mom say "Fuck the Police".
97. Craft beats for my brother to rap on.
98. Be the executive producer of Nas' final album.
99. Finally make my dad appreciate the music I love.
100. Become hip-hop's greatest journalist.

What would you wanna do?